


if you're mad stay mad

by empaten02



Series: let's stay lost in time [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Na Jaemin is Whipped, jaemin reckless singer, jeno makeup artist, only for the media, yo there's no smut are you surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empaten02/pseuds/empaten02
Summary: Jaemin Na is a reckless star of the rising 70s, extravagant and savage on the news. The only time you can catch Jaemin slip is for his makeup artist, Jeno Lee.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: let's stay lost in time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014558
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	if you're mad stay mad

Jaemin gets inside the limousine, sighing as he lights one cigarette. The day’s over, no more journalists or paparazzi with their blinding flashes annoyed at his clipped answers, ready to see soon on the news another picture of him doing a middle finger to the camera belonging to some article saying ‘Reckless star Jaemin Na shakes trouble again’.

He smirks at it, dragging his lips out the filter to exhale, thick white smoke floating around the space he’s sitting in. They all love him, he’s unstoppable and always gives that mystery’s veneer attracting all the attention, no one ever able to really expose him, growing their frustration.

Jaemin combs with his fingers his burgundy mullet, twitching one eyebrow at Renjun when he scoffs. “Asshole”, says in chinese his manager and Jaemin laughs, rolling down the window to change the air now the car has taken speed, far away from the red carpet he was in just a couple minutes ago.

They have less than two hours to reach the venue for tonight’s concert, his staff already waiting for Jaemin to arrive. To be fair, he’s been waiting for this moment since he started doing music, having a hectic schedule and touring around America sounds like the life he always worked for to achieve. He got famous, bigger than expected and it was quick to suddenly give up to his privacy, tiptoeing around everything so the things he truly cares about will stay intact and not stripped away from him to cheap gossip and hungry media.

Between uncomfortable tour bus rides, sound checks, a few whiskey drinks gulped like the boys and girls he brings to bed, Jaemin managed just fine to mix everything into the career he loves so much. He enjoys the thrill, coming up on stage with a pounding heart in his lungs, a public specifically there for him who sings back all the lines he writes in his diary before being on everyone’s lips.

With muffled fans screaming behind in the glimpse of him while getting inside the venue, Jaemin walks confidently next to Renjun who’s not as calm, sprinting like his ass is on fire, fast he struggles to follow the shorter manager. Jaemin does not dare to say anything, knowing well he’d get a glare in return and not any helpful answers.

Renjun Huang, Jaemin is not so sure what he would do without him. They met in college, right when Jaemin was about to drop out and the other boy was starting his second year for a law degree. 

Always had chemistry, since their first exchanged words, and oh they’ve been through so much together. Jaemin was Renjun’s first love, for a lack of a better label, the first person Jaemin needed to write about. Nowday he’s still not sure they really ever loved each other, they do have a bond that’s more unique than rare. Their personalities are too bold, strong, they constantly clash, it wasn’t destined to be a long relationship but Jaemin thinks they would not have the trust they have today if it didn’t take place, they have so much care stored in those different kinds of empty hearts.

Having Renjun as a lover was not easy, not letting go of him and building the strongest friendship he has on the other hand, is quite his best decision yet. They’ve been on and off for a whole year after breaking up, at Jaemin’s starting career and they were still so carefree, slipping into the same bed for a night to slowly not needing it anymore, their hearts parting ways in terms of physical intimacy and romance left like a faint scar. Jaemin asked him to be his manager when his performances at hotel longues or small venues picked up requests and that was probably one of the few times the shorter boy with a sewed frown smiled at him.

Now with his usual scowl Jaemin follows him into his dressing room, where Dejun -his guitarist- is napping on one of the leather couches. He’s not sure where Hendery and Chenle are, probably somewhere near the catering to eat, it seems around dinner time but he forgot his watch so all he has as reference is the dark sky outside and the concert starting at ten pm sharp.

Jaemin Na, the singer, likes to be extravagant with his looks, to tease and scandalize those boring toxic eyes too focused on the standard to realize his make up and flashy clothes won’t hurt a soul. 

He sits on the dressing room chair, a smile already forming at his lips when he feels a pair of hands at his shoulders, eyeing jet black hair styled back. 

“Hi beautiful”. Jaemin hauls out of his lips at the sight of Jeno Lee, his new makeup artist. It was already exciting to have a professional man’s hands to operate and bring to life all of Jaemin ideas for his looks, him being good looking and a treat for sore eyes just adds to it.

To no one’s surprise Jeno looks lavish in his tight black turtleneck and flares of the same colour, rumpling his lips as he touches Jaemin’s face, pushing delicately with the index finger his head to the side, showing his profile exposed from the bright lights on the mirror’s reflection. 

“Makeup off”. He tells him before shifting to the couch to fix Dejun’s foundation, taking advantage of the boy being still for once as he sleeps.

See, Jaemin Na is considered quite a reckless rockstar, a narcissist with a flair for exhibitionism who would bite any curious eye off trying to dig further into his existence. Not that it is too far from the truth, albeit people are not aware he can be gooey at occasion. 

Hidden from greedy mouths and ears, Jaemin allows himself to show the soft spot he has for the makeup artist, chuckling and pliant to obey at the man who enjoys his job so much, gasping happily when he creates just the right shade on his eyelid, moving his brushes so delicately Jaemin thinks he could fall asleep before the show.

“What are we going for today, Lee?”. Jaemin’s voice is relaxed, facing up to feel Jeno’s hand close to his face, clean soap scent from his slim fingers and exposed skin of his wrists on the paler side.

“Pink, it’s Valentine’s day”. Jeno holds his chin between his fingers, more carefully drawing a thin line of a darker color to give his gaze intensity. “Got any love confessions today?”.

Jaemin laughs in the unusually empty room, waking up Dejun who jumps on his place and looks around confused. The singer opens his one eye free of Jeno’s work to eye him, a smirk falling soft for the man’s pink lips pressed in a smile. “Not yet, but I have about forty thousand people to serenade tonight”. 

Jeno widens his eyes, playfully so “That’s a demanding number to impress, casanova”.

Jaemin checks himself in the mirror, bright glossy pink on the whole of his eyelids, a smudged brownish line to make his lashes more intense from the stage and a neutral lipstick shade. He loves it, Jeno is always good at viewing and putting to work his ideas, however there’s something missing.

It’s Valentine’s day, Jaemin wants his crowd to fall in love, with him or with the person next to them as they watch him sing for the night. He gets an idea, locking eyes with Jeno behind him making sure the singer is satisfied.

“I have an idea, funky twist of your works”.

“My works are also yours, we work on them together, Na”. Jeno nods at him to continue, hands resting on the chair’s sides, back stretching needed from working on all the other guys’ faces before him. 

“To keep the spirit, I’d like a lipstick stain on my cheek, maybe a red one”. 

Jeno thinks with a click of his lips, reaches over the blue table to catch a shade of intense red, looking out for the right brush. “Mh, I think I’ll be able to recreate the lips shape on you, I have to be quick there’s not much time left”.

“Oh you wanna draw it? I was thinking about something more realistic”. Jaemin looks around, Dejun disappears as well with his makeup and hair done, there’s only Renjun right outside the dressing room speaking with one of the security guards that happens to be from China as well, not understanding their conversation. Renjun tried to teach him some basic chinese, failing only for his thin patience whenever Jaemin said the words wrong on purpose, just to push his buttons.

Jeno looks puzzled, one brush in his hand, a silent question of explaining to him what he wants.

“I mean an actual kiss on my cheek, is quick and easier”.

“Oh”. Jeno looks around, room empty of any useful person, knowing damn well Renjun would never wear lipstick just to kiss Jaemin. “Is it okay if I do it? Or I can call someone from your band”.

Jaemin watches Jeno put lipstick on, lips meant to wear the color so lustful on his sharp features, almost forgetting the whole point of him in a red lipstick in the first place, mesmerized by his beauty; he’s not sure how Renjun was able to find someone like him.

Jeno has a creeping blush sitting high on his cheekbones when he leans in, lips pressing strong enough to leave a good stain on Jaemin’s cheek, hand lightly on his face to steady himself. 

Jeno’s lips are soft, and this close Jaemin can take in a peach scent lingering on his neck, eyes never leaving the makeup artist when he pulls back, gaze professional studying his own work despite the clear awkwardness.

“You’re right, your fans are going to love it”.

Jaemin looks at himself in the mirror, something chilly at the idea of having the trail of Jeno on his skin during his whole performance, no one allowed to know who’s lips touched his face. Probably going to create the umpteenth scandal for reports to chow on, careless as always to have a good laugh when Renjun reads the articles for him.

“One minute and I want you to change in your damn clothes!”. Shouts Renjun from the door, startling the bodyguard in the way. He might be small but beware of his dreadful strength Jaemin tries to never seriously get out of the boy.

“Thank you sunshine, I hope you’ll watch me backstage”. He takes one last look in the mirror, wearing cherry earrings before getting up.

Jeno smiles, with his straight line of white teeth and eyes closing in an even more appealing look. “As always”.

Jaemin exits from the dressing room in his wide pink pants and a thin long sleeves sparkly red blouse that allows his chest to be seen, trying to make a show of himself when Renjun says a “Yeah, you’re cool we get it”, grabs his wrist and walks him in the corridor leading behind the stage to wear his ear-ins.

“Are you jivin’ yet?”. Jaemin struggles in his high platform boots, white and too tall to walk at Renjun’s pace who’s still fiery in his steps.

“Not when you’re asking your makeup artist to kiss you as an excuse for your looks”. Renjun makes sure to turn and give him a harsh look, hand loosing the grip around his wrist.

“What is it? I thought we were over being jealous, Jun”.

Renjun sighs, purposely loud when they both know well jealousy is the least of their problems, those days already far gone. Sometimes Jaemin is not sure he misses when they still had the tiniest sparkle that eventually died down, when the singer had the shortest relationship to ever take place with a girl named Clara, their staff barely remembers. 

Only Renjun does, who caused a scene when he saw Jaemin with someone new before him to realize he was not ready to start over with Jaemin anyway, the last drop of an attempt to make it work, when it would have been another masochist choice.

Truth is, Jaemin likes to be alone. Sometimes he finds someone too willing to slip in another hotel room just for the leisure of fucking a celebrity to brag about later. Not that he’s looking for one, albeit it affects the way he avoids relationships by habit. 

“Jeno is a good guy, I don’t want you to be all over him just because of a pretty face, he’s work”. Renjun rolls his eyes, gesturing to Jaemin to continue his steps alone where he sees the lighting and sound staff all together behind the stage. “I let it slip this time only because he’s the only person you don’t give that annoying cocky smile of yours”.

“Fine. I don’t think Jeno runs our way, now relax”. Jaemin links his and Renjun’s arms together, lips brushing his earlobe “That bodyguard, on the other hand—”.

“Go to work”. Jaemin chuckles at Renjun’s clipped answer and the slightest hue of embarrassment. Busted.

Jaemin Na on stage is a treat for anyone’s eyes, his live events more enjoyable than the records he has, playing around with the band members he grew close with, working with and for him for more than a year. Chenle at the piano, with his long black hair falling on his face when he raises his head towards the microphone to harmonize with Jaemin. Dejun, a guitarist, charismatic on stage and pretty reserved once he’s back at being a regular young man in his mid twenties, thinking only Hendery -their drummer- is the one to truly capture Dejun’s charms. A young drummer, who was pretty inexperienced when they took him in but Jaemin felt an odd trust towards his hardworking nature, and he was right. The boy improved quickly, growing confidence and fans’ attention, one of the most popular members. 

Inclined to dance around the stage, involves the public during small breaks to speak with the audience when the venue allows it -recently harder to do when they host always a bigger capacity of people- Jaemin is entertaining and crazy to watch on stage. 

That really is all it takes; his passion and the way he blatantly shows it, fun for risky moves that will make people talk, if it is a positive or negative word doesn’t matter, his name has been everywhere.

Jeno hugs himself in his cardigan, chuckling when Jaemin flirts playfully with someone's mother that came to the show to accompany her daughter, Renjun shifting close to Jeno from where they’re staying backstage to get a better look of the scene.

“He’s good, isn’t he?”. Says Jeno, faintly shaking his head as the crowd screams and laughs along.

“Yeah, don’t worry he already knows”. The hue of annoyance in Renjun’s voice is only a way to hide how proud he actually is. Jaemin is only going to come far, and as much as he’s proud it worries him. He doesn’t want his best friend, ex lover, closes piece of heart, he’s not sure how to define him to be a burning star like many others have been before him.

“It’s good for an artist to know their worth”. Jeno folds his arms, a few brushes and makeup products in his pocket to fix Jaemin and the other boys’ faces when they get off the stage after the first break to change clothes. Renjun pats his shoulder, head tilting and eyes lost in the performers.

“The makeup looks good. Lee, we’ll give you a raise for dealing with him”.

Jeno laughs, genuinely and tries to keep it quiet even if with the chaos going on outside he’s sure no one will notice his amusement.

“You’re funny, it’s really not needed. I like this job”. Renjun finds his eyes closing in an eye smile. How cute Jeno Lee is, so lively and still excited about work, he wishes he had the same appeal to it, those days long gone. Work for Renjun sounds like rolling his eyes at media’s complaints, liters of caffeine running down his body trying to set recording studio sessions, interviews, show appearances and getting out his frustrations accumulating fast in his petite body at some poor souls, in various forms.

“Please say it again with the same enthusiast at the end of the tour”.

Jaemin’s staff members are pretty unknown to the public, except for some iconic moments still able to bring attention to him and his team. Donghyuck Lee, Jaemin’s hair stylist, a few months prior was spotted without a mask or anything to cover him, exposing to the public his face features. He soon became popular, especially among the brave lgbt community members who were impressed by his heart shaped lips, sweet eyes and voice when he answered once to a guy who screamed he was handsome. 

Moments like this were secretly heartwarming for Jaemin. To see his fans brave enough to bring up such topics, sometimes people ask about Donghyuck when Jaemin briefly meets them outside the venue before he jumps inside another limo. Except for the hair stylist and Renjun, to which he has endless unanswered dating rumors, no one really knows about the others.

His driver Johnny, tall and handsome man always has a joke to share, Jungwoo his stylist that always follows Jaemin’s flamboyant outfits pationatelly, and the faceless producers behind his label Mark and Kun. They’re all a small family, Jeno the newbie who seems to be enjoying his safe bubble of being completely anonymous, smiling when Renjun tells him the valentine’s makeup has ended on a few newspapers, most of them praising the unknown skilled hands.

Jeno seems to be getting used to routine, and Jaemin is unable to avoid his growing fondness during their minutes shared together with the kind man painting his face. 

Jaemin is getting ready for an early evening show when he gets out a very mellow chuckle at Jeno puffing out some air as he tries to give him a bright green eyeliner, hands trembling from hitting the gym with Jaehyun, Jaemin’s personal trainer, regretting life choices apparently. 

Something the singer learned is that Jeno is a perfectionist, one that can’t stand his makeup works to be even the slightest unfinished, leaning closer to his face with feline eyes scanning maniacally how the line looks with his eyelids open.

Jaemin watches Jeno’s almost faded shade of pink on his lips, the gentle slope of his nose and the glittery brown on his lash rim. He’s beautiful up close, wondering why a face like that doesn’t belong to high fashion magazines as fancy as it looks.

“Do you ever try these kinds of makeup on yourself?”. Asks Jaemin, lips almost pressing to Jeno’s chin when he speaks from how close they are, eyes shut when Jeno asks him to, drawing the last connecting lines.

“I do practice on myself, but I have no use to wear something so glitzy on the daily”. Jeno gives him a small laugh, apparently also satisfied with his finished work. “Ah, handsome”, he chirps as he puts some gloss on Jaemin’s lips, blushing in realization when he says it out loud.

Donghyuck scoffs amused from where he’s styling Hendery’s hair, sending a mocking glance at Jeno who clears his throat.

“Okay, all done, you’re in Donghyuck’s hands now”. He moves Jaemin’s burgundy hair behind his ear, so gently it flusters the singer. 

Jaemin leaves a not so fake whine when the hair expert gets closer, dreading the times he spends with Donghyuck at his chair. If Renjun is a containable storm, the hair stylist is a nightmare when he wants to, an unstoppable one. So he doesn’t feel so safe when Jeno leaves to finally get some food and water, him and his band left alone with the young staff member.

“I won’t allow you to fuck him without a date first, keep that in mind, Na”. Donghyuck grabs his face by the temples almost aggressively, not standing when the singer slumps too much on the chair, unlike Jeno who says nothing about his bad posture. ‘Bring him back’, Jaemin thinks before grimacing at the other’s words.

“Jesus, what do you think I am? A savage?”.

“Exactly, sweetcheeks”. Donghyuck combs his hair wet with some spray, humming to one of the tracklist songs of the tour he likes, enjoying the nice timbre when Chenle harmonizes on it. 

Jaemin sighs, locking eyes with Donghyuck from the mirror “That’s unlikely to happen, if that worries you, I might say it's impossible”.

Truth is, Jaemin has no idea of what kind of person Jeno Lee is. He’s reserved, a nice company to chat of course, even if at the end of the day he actually doesn’t know anything important. Also Jaemin is not the type to assume a sexuality, especially from a working position, knowing well being a makeup artist doesn’t give you a free ticket to being gay, it is ignorant to even think about it.

Donghyuck gels his hair, the eyeshadows on his eyes darkens his beautiful gaze, another one of the makeup artists’ pieces. “I have a feeling, in the meanwhile wait until he’s comfortable enough to show or tell you. Just don’t be the usual asshole”.

“Hey”. Jaemin glares at him “I might treat reporters like shit but I’m always a gentleman with my flings”.

“Proving my point, Jeno is no fling for you or anyone else, not an asshole like the rest of us”.

When Jaemin meets Jeno again backstage, he feels slightly intimidated at the idea of having his hands on someone like him. The makeup artist has a kind of unreacheable beauty, of a famous masterpiece closed under a shrine, only allowed to be admired from afar. Jeno is actually easy going once his timid self fades with more time passed together, discovering he never really takes his singing abilities seriously but enjoys dancing a lot.

Jaemin keeps thinking he’s of an unreachable beauty, that conviction wobbling the slightest when one night before a show, Jeno holds his hand in the darkness of the backstage. He’s probably trying to be a good friend, the singer nervous when he’s going to present a new single tonight, jittering on his feet while waiting for the venue to fill, shoulder pressed against Jeno’s from where they were standing next to the other. After some ridiculous minutes of his hand, truly accidentally bumping Jeno’s, he almost gasped when he felt the slim fingers that are usually holding brushes on his face intertwine with his. 

Fingers cold and smooth create a churn at the pit of Jaemin’s stomach he hasn’t felt in a long time. “Make them dream”. He whispers low and Jaemin grins, genuine when his hand falls on Jeno’s shoulder. “Thank you beautiful”.

Jaemin is sitting inside the limousine, white suit with some expensive diamonds and chest exposed with his back pressed on the passenger seat, face still bare. He would like to smoke a cigarette if Renjun didn’t take all of them away from him, saying he smells like an ashtray when he does.

“Where are we going again?”.

“Your hotel room”. Renjun is reading some papers, obviously stressed for some reason Jaemin doesn’t dare to ask, used to this forever oblivious state he had to adapt to survive the chinese boy dramatic self.

They’re in San Francisco, not even the time to glance outside his window and Jaemin is already pushed inside an elevator, check-in did and ticking time to get ready for another show. That’s how his life goes, one venue to another, a free day seeming like a luxury when he can’t even make use of all the fancy hotels' comforts he stays in.

Renjun barely tells him bye and he’s already disappeared, walking inside the room to find Jeno, casually having him dressed in white as well; his outfit might be a lot more simple than Jaemin’s, somehow Jeno manages to look expensive. It really is true a good face makes up for everything. Jeno kind of looks like an angel under the shy light filtering inside the hotel room.

Jaemin sits on the bed, high enough from the floor for Jeno to not struggle when he starts applying foundation on Jaemin, brush tickling his skin. He senses Jeno being nervous, not as talkative probably from the way they’re completely alone for the first time. There’s no one else inside or around the room but them, only their quiet breaths making a sound.

“You look good”. Tells him Jaemin, one hand resting on Jeno’s face to watch his silvery makeup, more daring than usual. “It’s nice to see you get risky, the eyeshadow looks nice”.  
“Do you like it? You’re playing at the Fillmore, it seems like an occasion”. Jeno gives him an eye smile, his thumb sliding down his dark circles causing him to pout. He’s adorable. “Your suit is beautiful by the way, suits you”.

They both laugh at the lame choice of words Jeno makes, Jaemin notices the makeup artist keeps glancing down at the bare skin of his chest, only covered by a thin layer of lace. He grabs his wrist, gently giving him permission to touch the fabric. Jaemin knows Jeno loves fashion and is always fascinated by his outfits, so he can’t help the smile stretching on his lips when Jeno’s fingers follow the pattern of the lace.

“It’s so pretty”. Mumbles Jeno, shaking his head realizing he got too distracted, eyes shifting again on the palette. They decide to go for something gold, Jeno creates a trail of glitter under his right eye like he’s crying sparkly tears, it will get gleaming under the stage lights. Jaemin easily falls into their usual conversation, Jeno asking him how the recordings are going and hums once in a while to let Jaemin know he’s still listening, the singer unable to see him when he has to keep his eyes closed.

Jeno smells good, always does, the peachy fragrance flying around him to Jaemin’s nostrils, never minding their closeness during the makeup sessions. He opens one eye after a few seconds too long of Jeno not using his brushes, feeling his fingertips again tracing the fabric of his suit. 

“Sorry” Sheepishly laughs Jeno “Makes you look like an angel, really”.

Jaemin grabs his hand, intertwining his fingers to bring it on his lips and wonders if Donghyuck might truly be mad at him right now. “You’re too nice”.

Jeno leans in, hand hesitating on Jaemin’s shoulder “What if I am?”. Jaemin is surprised when he feels the makeup artist’s lips on his, moving slowly, almost as if he’s asking for permission to continue. He kisses back, lost in the tenderness of Jeno’s lips and the way he gently threads his tongue against his, so light and delicate Jaemin thinks he’s imagining things. 

His heart drops for a second, hands looking for Jeno’s waist to have him closer until he sits on his lap, brushes still in one hand lifted in the air. They part for a few seconds, staring at each other and Jaemin’s hand falls on Jeno’s smooth features, the corner of his lips lifted at the sight. 

Jeno’s cheeks are red against his paler skin, reminding of a male version of Snowhite, so distant and ethereal compared to the rough kisses he receives while drunk on the nights he spares to consume useless love. Jeno’s waist feels a little too perfect between his palms open to soothe him, kissing again until he giggles against his cheek, warming up Jaemin inside with an old tug at his chest he really thought he would never feel again.

“I ruined your makeup”. He sighs but he’s laughing, eyes disappearing in that enchanting smile.

“It’s okay, beautiful. I was never supposed to look angelic anyway, have fun”. Jaemin closes his eyes when Jeno presses small kisses at his jaw, trailing down his neck. He’s calm, so much they forget about the time schedule, Jaemin’s spine falling down the mattress having Jeno on top of him. As much as he thinks about it, the more astonished he is at the innocence of it, pinkish stains of makeup from the smudged color on his lips, Jeno’s tongue barely grazing his neck’s skin sucking carefully enough to not leave a mark.

Jeno strongly flinches when they hear loud knocks at the door. Renjun, of course, who’s screaming at them to move.

“Shit”. Jeno flushes, gets up quickly to grab Jaemin’s face and give one last look at the makeup. It looks fine, he puts a last final layer of gloss on his lips before deeming it done.

“Don’t worry, we can pretend it is another one of your lipstick works”. Jaemin gives him a reassuring smile, also fearing for life to face Renjun who’s been snappy all morning.

He gives a last peck to Jeno, to which he whines in complaint when Jaemin ruins his makeup again and leaves after grabbing his jacket, finding in front of the door his manager, arms folded and feet tapping nervously on the floor. He really suffers from a bad case of patience’s lack.

They start walking towards the elevator, not after receiving a look of distaste. “What did you do to Jeno?”, he sounds harsh and Jaemin should be worried, if it wasn’t for him knowing Renjun like the palm of his hand. 

“Nothing”. He sounds convincing at his best, hissing when Renjun palms his crotch, where Jaemin is still tested by his recent closeness to the handsome makeup artist, turning with a temper. “Fucker, you call this nothing?”.

“We just kissed, chill”. Jaemin thinks he’s fine until he feels his foot stomped by his manager, staring at him offended.

“You better be serious about it and apologize unless you don’t want to seriously ask him out”.

“Why do you all keep saying the same things?”. Rolls his eyes Jaemin, about to continue and starting to lose patience.

“Because you keep fucking around!”. Almost screams Renjun, growing quiet when they reach the lobby, focusing on other things like annoying camera’s flashes and questions he doesn’t care about when he wants to speak to Renjun.

Being a celebrity means showing a different persona for the public, even when you just fell from heaven like Jaemin did in the span of half an hour or so. He smiles for the cameras, avoids the questions about the most recent spotted of him with someone and gives his usual evasive answers; tells a reporter “It’s art, baby” when he gets asked about his smudged lipstick and Jeno’s pretty stains on his neck until he’s safe in the limo again.

He’s upset, even when he understands where Renjun comes from. There’s care behind that anger, one of a man that loved him and Jaemin did as well until their fire died down. Of someone who saw Jaemin turn into this overly confident boy running on caffeine and filling voids with some strangers, he understands. They’re not so different after all. 

“I think I like Jeno, I’m not sure yet”. Jaemin breaks the silence, sighing as he eyes the window. “He kissed me and I– you’re gonna think I’m stupid”.

“You’re not stupid. You thought what? Jaemin if you restrain yourself from even talking to me, then I really don’t know what else is left here for us”.

“It’s been a while, you know?”. Jaemin looks down, grinning a little thinking about his first kiss with Renjun, the smaller boy grabbing him and smashing their lips together after months of mutual pining. “He makes me feel younger, even when we’re just talking while he does my makeup. I’m afraid, I have no idea if this is gonna end up like us so it would be a waste to even try, I don’t know if there’s something good left in me to grow close to someone again”.

“Hey”. Renjun grabs his hand, shaking it to encourage him “I don’t even have to tell you why I get mad, however I want you to listen to me clearly”.

Jaemin looks at him; eyes made of time passing together, the gentle curve of his lips in a smile. He trusts Renjun with his life. “I know you’re scared, feelings can be ugly and too profound and I understand, I always find myself hesitating. If you really see something good with Jeno, please at least try. Start slowly, ask him on a date, kiss him if you want to but don’t make each other promises you can’t hold on to right now”.

Jaemin hugs him; it’s been a while, really. They’re always so caught up on work, on pushing to the limit until there’s nothing left but two lifeless bodies, nothing really to hold on to. Nothing really to come home to, no mellow expectations. It is rare to see Renjun’s strong walls totter, nose digging into Jaemin’s neck, hugging the awfully familiar figure of him that has been sticking for years.

“Now erase that fish face and kill the night”. Murmurs Renjun and Jaemin laugh, pushing playfully at each other.

When he leaves the car, Johnny’s eyes are full of mirth, probably holding back a comment about the various scenarios he faces everytime the two dramatic boys sit and rely on the man’s hands on the wheel, who unfortunately hears everything.

The concert goes well, a sold out venue and Jaemin moves around the stage space with his white suit reflecting colorful lights, Jeno’s makeup on his eyes dazzling against his skin and the red of his hair styled by Donghyuck. There’s an odd chorus at the end of the show for Chenle, apparently a passionate fanclub got noisy making Jaemin and the rest of the band laugh, screaming as well for the pianist amazed by the whole thing. 

Jaemin locks Jeno’s gaze, looking jittery behind the black curtains, still clapping hands along the fans in the crowd. It has been a good show, everyone is satisfied and still overly excited. He walks in, shaking hands with the lighting and sound crew thanking them for their work, high fives Renjun and then gets closer to the makeup artist, who’s torturing his bottom lip.

“You did so well”. Jeno says, hands not knowing where to rest when Jaemin gets closer into his space, until they fall pressed against his chest.

“We did well”. Jaemin presses his lips against his, Donghyuck gasping at the sight, Jeno despite being nervous under his trembling fingertips on Jaemin he kisses back, melting with the way the singer cups his cheek, as if he’s hiding their not so public intimacy. “Are you up for a date?”.

Jaemin is sure he said it low enough for only Jeno to hear, Donghyuck’s trails of ‘what the fuck’ probably just a consequence of deep commotion.

He intertwines their fingers as they all walk back to the dressing room so Jaemin can change into more common clothes and everyone can gather their things up, meeting Renjun’s lively eyes on the way, remnants of a successful night. 

“About time”. Says cheekily Dejun towards Jeno’s direction and Jaemin excitedly squeezes his hand. 

“What does he mean?”. He asks, eyes shifting between the guitarist and the makeup artist, Dejun asking approval to speak and Jeno seems okay with it, shrugging his shoulder with dust of pink on his cheekbones.

“Jaemin is great, Jaemin looks handsome today, uh”. Dejun scoffs, imitating Jeno’s voice “I’m so glad you guys finally did something about it, we were all rooting for you”.

“Not sure about that”. Jaemin chuckles, trying to find Donghyuck who rests a hand on his chest, suffering the implication. The brown haired boy rolls his eyes, walking faster and surpasses them “Can’t believe men these days, I was the one suggesting the date”.

Jeno is part of the relationships Jaemin wants to keep private if he can, eventually agreeing there would not be any problem if the media knew about his face at least, they eventually will soon when he’s part of the staff touring with him. So tonight when Jeno asked if Jaemin had anything in mind for their date, he thought a free walk around the city would be perfect, it's not like there’s anything scandalous with two men walking together.

They went for a more sober attire, in a vain attempt to not be noticed, Jeno looking beautiful with the black coat against his white outfit, Jaemin freezing in his brown one, bringing thinner spare clothes not really planning to spend the night out until their kiss at the hotel happened.

San Francisco seems calm tonight, walking between parked cars and listening to Jeno finally telling him about how Renjun got him to their team. From a Burlesque company, to Jaemin’s surprise, impatient to tease his friend and know what he was doing backstage the night he met Jeno. He used to give makeup to the dancers, trying to save up some extra money for his boring job with hands dipped in soap to wash dishes.

Jaemin is glad the beautiful and youthful man with dark hair found his way to do what he loves everyday, being a makeup artist for a celebrity gives him a chance to put to work his skills daily, particularly with someone like Jaemin that requires extravagant looks.

Jeno’s fingers curl around Jaemin’s coat, lips red from the windy air and how much he’s been darting his tongue out to wet them, giving Jaemin a hard time not to stare. 

Jaemin knows they’re kind of a lost cause, not looking friendly at all from the way they seem to have a magnet attracting them closer as they walk, so he thinks holding the man’s hand would not cause any harm, he already has endless rumors regarding his sexuality.

Jeno gets shy, looking around them but his hold stays firm against his fingers, hands freezing until they reach the hotel, seeing the obvious slope of Jeno’s shoulders when he finally realizes they’re alone and out of risky eyes.

Jaemin is screwed, hands slipping down Jeno’s shirt after shifting the hem of it from his high waisted pants and belt, Jeno’s lips attached at his jaw, asking for more. It really takes a whole lot of self control and some internal cursing before he can stop after feeling Jeno’s knee rubbing between his legs, hands cupping his face to detach him.

“As much as I want to, and trust me”. They both naturally look down at Jaemin hard on pressing in his tight pants “I do, a lot, I promised everyone to be a gentleman so if I’m bringing you to bed tonight is just to help you fall asleep”.

Jeno chuckles, clingy and very touchy when he slides his palms on Jaemin’s covered abs, kissing him against his hotel’s room door.

“What if I want to? You’re just making sure I get what I asked for, still a gentleman’s behaviour”. He bites his earlobe, making Jaemin’s hands tremble with how turned on he is, latching around Jeno’s waist.

“Not a chance, this is also the right time to prove myself I’m not some filthy animal”.

“Seems like a you problem”. The black haired boy bites his lower lip before giving him a peck, back to being sweet innocent Jeno and it shocks Jaemin to the chore. “Goodnight Jaem”.

“Night beautiful”. Jaemin grabs Jeno’s hand to pull him back for another kiss, another collision on tongues too hungry to be left alone, blowing a big puff of air out and almost peeling his skin off his face with how much he rubs it to not go back and take Jeno again when he’s back alone inside his room.

That is the start of something special Jaemin thinks is absurd to even look back and think about. Trying to find alone time is difficult, reducing it to some fake catering dates when they get into a small corner and eat together, sometimes getting a drink out after a show and spend nights shriveling inside a hotel’s bathtub as Jaemin sings songs for Jeno.

Jaemin spends mornings watching Jeno sleeping under the first rays of sun and his hands itch to write, notebook and pen in hand when he thinks about the handsome man that is still so willingly spending everyday with him. 

They get heated kisses, scandalous hickeys and marks all over Jaemin’s neck as a hidden confession, magazines and papers speculating lists of lovers having nothing to do with the truth, the most recent a young rising actress Jaemin never met. Renjun seems calmer to know Jaemin has someone to come to at the end of the day, of seeing him actually invested and looking for spending time with Jeno.

It’s funny to see paps trying to catch smoke with bare hands, lowering his guards down as time passes. That was a mistake, Jaemin has to remember he can’t ever catch a breath and they already found something.

That being everyone connecting the dots from the first date pictures of Jaemin and Jeno holding hands, to the makeup artist pics of him wearing some of the singer’s famous clothes walking off one of the hotel rooms Jaemin and the whole staff is staying.

Renjun uses it as an excuse, not so happily introducing Jeno to the public, breaking the freedom already poor from people being curious about who he was whenever pictures of him and Jaemin hanging out together were out. Breaking Renjun’s calmer features, back on frowning and looking concerned at Jeno sitting on Jaemin’s lap in the dressing room the same day he announced the press his existence.

They’re all quiet, as if they’re waiting for Jeno to say something, Jaemin as well when he squeezes his date’s thigh. The couple is not official yet, even if all the staff members and Jaemin’s band members are treating them as they are one. How can they not when this is the first time Jaemin is keeping someone close to him for so long since his career got intense, marking three months of being content and sweet around Jeno.

Jeno, who adorably sighs and shows Jaemin a cut out of his picture he took from the newspaper, pointing at it. “I was not wearing makeup, I look ugly”.

Jaemin laughs, an ounce of relief with his hand stroking Jeno’s cheekbone, where his birthmark the singer adores and could write almost a whole song about it is. “You're worried about that?”.

Jeno nods, humming positively and Jaemin snorts, not very attractively, kissing tenderly his lips. “Then it’s all good, you never look bad”.

It’s funny to see Renjun raised eyebrows not coming down while Jeno gets back at work, chatting with Hendery and Dejun about the pigments he uses to make brighter looks on them, the manager looking like a statue on his feet.

They slowly realize Jeno Lee simply does not care, not trying a single bit to be more careful that he’s already being, leaving everyone astonished when he chats with reporters like they’re some regular acquaintances, avoiding tricky questions with ease, gaining popularity between Jaemin’s fans who often ask about him when he greets them out of the venues.

“Are you and Jeno going around?”. Asks a fan to the singer one time, so purely it leaves him speechless for a beat too long, flustered. She’s tiny, with a shortcut and looks extremely young, maybe too young to be there.

“We uhm—Jeno is quite special to me”. Jaemin smiles, signing the little notebook she’s holding.

He’s glad for Yukhei asking to get inside the car to leave, Jeno and Renjun already waiting inside. It was something new, having him in the limousine as well and maybe that caught even more the eye. They started booking one double room, sleeping together now out of habit, no point in getting two bedrooms when they always end up in one for the whole time they’re staying in a specific place to perform.

Is no different from the nights spent in the last months having Jeno almost asleep on his chest, eyes heavy and warm air crashing on his bare skin.

“Jeno, baby”. The boy hums, one hand circling Jaemin’s middle and he looks up. His hair is a mess, sprawled everywhere on his forehead and even if the man often says he looks ugly without makeup, Jaemin thinks he’s the most breathtaking entity to ever graze earth. “How do you feel about me starting to call you my boyfriend?”.

Jeno tries to stand on his arm, raising up to be on Jaemin’s eye level. He breaks into a smile, a gleaming one that makes Jaemin’s stomach twist; and how often Jeno is able to do it, never failing at keeping that feeling alive, so long he’s sure it is love at this point.

Jeno has seen him in various states since they started getting closer. Smiling, crying when he heard his sister after a long time on the phone, dizzy in the morning and even folded on a toilet puking when he got sick. He has been there for him every single time, to comfort, to share his joy and struggles and Jaemin can’t really think of anyone else he wants next to him to share even the ugly bits, the ones someone who only looks for singer and celebrity Jaemin Na would grow tired to deal with. Never felt the need to run away, to wish to be alone whenever he’s with Jeno.

Maybe he got too soft, he doesn’t care. He likes the Jaemin he is around Jeno, sounds more like the one he’d like to be; the one he doesn’t regret and grimace about.

“I want to, boyfriend”. 

What a beautiful night it is to fall in love, to keep his lover close and voice out pleasure drowned between the twirls of their tongues, against the sheets and their skin dripping with care.

Thrilling, is their love. Careless when they want to, tired of hiding and fearing every step, Jaemin let’s some details slip, subtly but they’re there.

From Jeno walking around with signs of Jaemin’s lips everywhere on his skin, to the infamous hand pulling Jaemin backstage and the microphone still on that caught a loud “Not now, beautiful” for the whole audience to hear, to Jaemin actually admitting he is in a relationship during a press conference, making everyone go a little mad.

Many people suspect it is Jeno, there’s just so much ‘evidence’, especially obvious when they walk together and mindless hands rests too long around one’s shoulders or hips, lips press too close to speak, a used intimacy they don’t even notice unless Renjun tells them one day it would be no surprise if they came out to the public.

Renjun, who Jaemin busted with his tongue busy with Yukhei, the bulky bodyguard he met back then, stealing the boy right in the moment to know everything about it, much to the other’s annoyance. He’s happy for them, they’re moving on, to new and safer stories, to a stronger friendship and work relationship.

Jaemin who secretly stole the recording studio room to properly record on tape some moans he needed for a song, ending up giving Mark and Kun some real ones to use when he was singing while Jeno’s lips were wrapped around him one night they were alone in the sound-proof walls.

He’s sure the two producers know, Kun exploding in a laugh at Mark’s scandalized face after saying he did a good job and the moans looked realistic. “Yeah, good job Jeno”. Jokes Kun having fun torturing poor Jeno who just harmlessly came to the studio to keep his boyfriend some company and support that day.

“I write a lot about myself, it’s not egocentrism if I just want to express what happens in my small world”. Says one day Jaemin for a reporter, mostly gathering outside his studio now that its location was released where he’s recording the new album, blatantly ignoring questions about Jeno.

One day Jaemin grows a bit impatient and fed up with the questions, Jeno admitting the night before he never really cared, hands washing Jaemin’s hair in the bathtub as he said so.

There’s many clues they start leaving for some witty minds to catch, and they do. One day as they’re walking towards the studio Jaemin just puts his hand under Jeno’s shirt, the other’s lack of reaction beside his own hand getting on top of Jaemin’s the loudest answer to the floods of onlookers.

That’s when they heard some of it, it was about to happen. Angry and biting comments on his sexuality, starting from the children of God saying they’ll go to hell, to the classicists and biology bachelor’s degrees saying it is unnatural for two men to be together. Jaemin thinks there’s nothing more natural than the need to kiss Jeno right there, in front of everyone and oh is it beautiful the way Jeno responds, maybe having fun to be more desperate than how they actually are just to piss homophobes off.

Jaemin turns, smirking because he knows he’s one step above them, no one will expose him today or never if he does it for himself. Youth these days is wilder, prouder and more tired, many of his fans not minding it the tiniest bit; and if they do, that is really not a problem Jaemin cares about, their loss.

He grabs one tape recorder from a lady all dressed with nails so perfect they look plastic, one of the calmer people around the crazy newsmen crowd.

“If you’re mad, stay mad”. Jaemin winks at one man looking like he’s about to pop a nerve “I have an album to record. Bye darlings”.

That same day he answers Renjun on the phone, closing his eyes and smiling in anticipation.

“I’m not even mad at you, who fucking cares at this point”.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know what this is... also it is a lot shorter than my usual works, it was a bit of a rush.
> 
> i've been listening too much to blackpink's pretty savage i guess haha
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jen26do) [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/ir02ne)


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